PERITOPIA!

>>HOSTILE MAGAZINE SELLER — Caller in the 100 block of Barnes Street reported at 8:22 p.m. Friday encountering a “very hostile” man in a Boston Red Sox hat selling magazines that she did not think had a business license.<<. At least, she identified the violation.  Wonder if the magazines had anything at all to do with his hat.  Or that was just another unnecessary but appreciated sartorial detail courtesy of the UDJ?  Not to tarnish the otherwise golden image of Boston Red Sox fans, but aren’t they required by law to be very hostile?

>>PEOPLE HAVING SEX — Caller in the 400 block of East Gobbi Street reported at 4:15 p.m. Thursday that people were having sex in a driveway. An officer responded and advised them.<<. One of the little known perks you get living in Northern California is the free advice offered by local law enforcement.  One can only imagine what it was here.  Probably, and this is just a guess, use the sidewalk.  It is astonishing that these people were not arrested for being drunk in public.  Actually, it is astonishing that these people were even located.

>>GUN TAKEN — Caller in the 400 block of South Harrison Street reported at 12:04 p.m. Monday that a firearm was taken from her while she was being arrested for a drug violation and she wanted it back. An officer returned her phone call.<<. Well, the police are nothing if not polite.  I wish they published actual transcripts of these calls — they must be priceless.

So, apparently, our County Board of Supervisors just passed a ban on plastic bags.  Here is a quote from the Ukiah Daily Journal:

>>Third District Supervisor John Pinches joined his colleagues in supporting it “because it’s the sexy thing to do” after saying the ban is an about-face from the 1980s trend away from paper to protect forests, and expressing chagrin at the minimum 10-cent charge for paper bags included in the ordinance.<<

Goes without saying, we should only pass sexy legislation.  Or legislation that makes us feel sexy.  And, if I know this County (and I think I do), we should have a separate committee to determine sexiness.  And that committee should meet in Ukiah. At the Walmart.  To set the right mood.

>>STUDENTS USED BAD LANGUAGE — A caller in the 300 block of South Dora Street reported at 8:27 a.m. Friday that she had problems with South Valley students that morning who had used foul language. The caller was told to go to the school board.<<. Or to Rick Santorum, the only person who would care.

>>TABLE ON SIDEWALK — A caller in the 1100 block of East Chestnut Street reported at 7:29 a.m. Friday that a neighbor put a wooden table in the middle of the sidewalk twice in the last two days, causing her to have to walk around it. An officer responded and found no table on the sidewalk.<<.   Ah, an alleged crime of inconvenience.  Bet it was a lemonade stand, staffed with girl scouts–not exactly the scourge that plagues Fort Bragg’s streets.  Here’s an idea, put all the drunks in the middle of the sidewalk so this caller has to walk around them.  Problemo solved.

Today, I would like to share a different experience with Mendocino’s judicial system: jury duty.

Our court is in Fort Bragg.  It is called “Ten Mile Court.”  I am not sure why.

It’s a small court.  Not just literally — pretty small room — but also the community it serves.  My boyfriend got called the same day as I did.  I also saw my daughter’s Circus Silks teacher and a friend’s mother.  And I have to venture to guess that, of the approximately 25 people who got questioned, at least 50% had served on juries previously — many more than once.  So, the county clearly has a very small pool to draw from.  Given that a least 80% of the people there were over 40, I’m also guessing that a lot of our young folk don’t care much for carrying out their civic duties.  And stuff.  What?

Then there were the comments.  A few people who were called to be questioned were related to each other.  Most everyone knew somebody else, including the judge who, at one point, said, “also, I should disclose that [name of potential juror]‘s husband ran my re-election campaign.”  And then there was what has to have been the best answer ever given to the question, “do you know any of the parties, witnesses, or attorneys?”: “I know the defense attorney, but I do not know him as an attorney.  I know him as an Irish fiddler.”

It was an exhausting and excruciatingly boring day, but I learned a couple of things.  First, when your pool is small, a lot of what other people would consider grounds for disqualifying gets overlooked.  For instance (and this is just hypothetical, of course), in a case where the charge is reckless driving and the defense is sleepwalking, it’s okay to have several jurors who are sleepwalkers, are related to sleepwalkers and/or have been charged with reckless driving themselves.  The second thing I learned is that the judge’s instruction not to talk about the case to anyone else outside the courtroom, even to each other, is the Number One instruction ignored in its entirety — usually right after people leave the courtroom.

>>FIGHT — Caller in the 700 block of South Oak Street reported at 5:25 p.m. Saturday that her boyfriend slammed a door in her face. An officer responded and arrested the 19-year-old woman for domestic battery.<<. Those who live in glass houses…

>>NEIGHBOR STOLE BIKE — Caller in the 300 block of Walnut Street reported at 9:01 a.m. Saturday that he just caught his neighbor stealing his bike and got the bike back.<<. Just saying…

>>HOSE LEFT ON — Caller in the 100 block of Morrow Street reported at 1:37 p.m. Saturday that a hose was turned on and left on all night by an unknown person.<<. And I forgot to turn off the outside lights!!!  Glad I don’t live in Fort Bragg.

>>MAN TRYING TO GET IN HOUSE — A caller in the 100 block of Riverview Drive reported at 1:39 a.m. Sunday that a man was trying to get into her house. The man left on request and police took a report.

INTRUDER — A caller in the 200 block of Minnesota Avenue reported at 1:58 a.m. Sunday that a man got into the caller’s house by an unlocked front door and left out the back door, leaving his clothing behind. Police didn’t find the man and the caller didn’t want to prosecute. Police determined the case was related to the earlier call on Riverview Drive.<<. Clearly, this man has mistaken a house for a dressing room.  But kudos for his persistence, waiting all of 20 minutes after the earlier call to try again.   And kudos to the caller for leaving her door unlocked, very helpful.  Where did he go, I wonder.  Hopefully to go bathe in someone else’s house.

>>POT BROWNIE — Medical personnel responded at 10:07 p.m. Sunday t the 300 block of Walnut Street for a report that a 19-year-old man had possibly overdosed on a marijuana brownie.<<. Must have been a really big brownie.  Made entirely of pot.

>>DRUNK WANTED TO FIGHT — Caller in the 200 block of North Franklin Street reported at 4:09 p.m. Tuesday that a man had a broken bottle and was pounding on cars, challenging people to fight. An officer responded and arrested a 39-year-old man for being drunk in public.<<. The default charge, really?  You would think they could at least slap on vandalism.  Or maybe they were thinking First Amendment?   This could constitute speech in Fort Bragg.

>>BOUGHT STOLEN AMP — Citizen reported at 8:09 p.m. Tuesday that he bought an amp at a garage sale and discovered it was his friend’s amp that was reported stolen.<<. I hate it when that happens.  Good tip for where to look for stolen goods, though.

>>DRINKING IN THE DRIVE-THRU — Caller at McDonald’s on South Main Street reported at 8:48 p.m. Tuesday that someone came through the drive-thru with an open can of Coors Light in the car, and that they said they would be back in a few minutes to buy pies. An officer responded and warned the driver.<<. Warned him about what?  The pies?  Or, even better, the open container–if he had that outside, it would have been illegal.

>>”The Walmart superstore is open 24/7 — who goes to the grocery store at 3 a.m.? Travelers looking for a place to park their motorhome free for a week and tweakers,” wrote Robin Sunbeam. “The Walmart Superstore will attract more of these categories of people to our valley.”<<. From the UDJ.

Well, she has a point.  I like how tweakers now have their own category.  Although they basically sit on the bottom rung  of  the categories of people ladder.  I know this because the local bar has a tooth lost by a tweaker taped to the wall.  Not a sign of respect.  Next up the ladder are the motor home residents. They are not tourists.  They traveling “agricultural workers.”.  I am guessing neither category will be shopping for organic produce in Walmart.