PERITOPIA!

I know these police logs are getting routine, but they are so good I can’t help but write about them.  Once again, Mill Valley shines as an example of how very far you have to go to find actual crime in Marin County.

>>Suspicious Vehicle: Robertson Terrace at 10 a.m. Caller was out of town and had video surveillance of his driveway and he saw an older sedan backing up to his garage.  Could be the gardener but he drives a truck.  Officer responded and contacted gardener.<<  Wow, bet the Mill Valley police are just thrilled that people have video surveillance — gives them something to do! And, you have to ask, would the “Caller” have called if it had been a NEW sedan — or a sports car — or an SUV?  I’m thinking, not so much.  Too bad we don’t get to hear how this story ended.  Was it the gardener — or maybe the POOL GUY?!

>>Advice to Citizen: Ashford Avenue and E. Blithedale Avenue at 1:20 p.m. Caller had a road-rage incident with a driver in a white van.  She didn’t have license number or a description but she did have a handprint on her vehicle window where the other driver slammed the window.  Advice given.<<  Oh, come on!  What was the advice?  Take a deep breath.  Eat a brownie.   There’s an emergency yoga class up the street for this kind of thing.  And, btw, I love the handprint — to be entered in the federal handprint database?  Bet she thinks so.  She must be a lot of fun when it’s time to pick up the kids.

>>Non-injury accident: Almonte Boulevard and Miller Avenue at 12:45 p.m. Caller reported a vehicle in a ditch with six people inside, they appeared to be student age.  Officers and CHP responded to find all subject gone.<<  And not a trace of any controlled substances to be found…

>>Stolen-Vehicle Report: La Geona Street and Miller Avenue at 11:30 p.m.  Caller reported his vehicle last seen around noon.  Vehicle was locked, and he had keys.  Vehicle was not towed.  No merit.<<  This just confuses me.  Did they FIND the vehicle?  Or did they just assume he forgot where he parked it?  Or, maybe, aliens abducted the vehicle and, as we all know, that is WAY outside of the Mill Valley police’s jurisdiction.

>>Noise Disturbance: 700 block of East Blithedale Avenue at 2:45 a.m.  Caller reported street sweeping for over an hour.  Caller was told to call when noise occurred.  Officer responded and contacted sweeper driver and owner of company.  Work stopped.<<  So, implicit in this report is that the sweeping wasn’t going on at 2:45 a.m. — that’s just when the call occurred.  I think someone was drinking and reporting again…

>>Vandalism Report: Hazel Avenue at 7:30 a.m. Caller found a white paint stripe in front of his house.  Report on file.<<  Now, we know Mill Valley residents define “vandalism” very broadly (and are hyper-sensitive to noise), but this one seems like an accident to me.  Or, maybe this was the street sweeper’s revenge!

>>Suspicious Person: Blithedale Canyon at 11 a.m. Two females reported an older male in a sleeping bag off the side of the road in the bushes.  Officers contacted subject, who resides in Novato.  Novato Police Department said subject left this morning without taking meds and he needed to go back.  Subject given ride back to halfway home.  Subject didn’t meet crazy criteria, but came close.<<  OMG.  I hope there is an internal memo that spells out the “crazy criteria” in Mill Valley.  And, if being from Novato and having the audacity to leave and sleep in a bag off the road in Mill Valley bushes isn’t crazy, I don’ t know what is!

>>Advice to Citizen: Surrey Avenue at 11 a.m. Caller stated ongoing noise problems with neighbors.  Recent event concerned the slamming lid of a hot tub, noting that wife was home alone.  Advice given.<<   Why does it matter if the wife were home alone?  Does that somehow make it intentional slamming?  If I were the wife, I’d get out the leaf blower right away.

>>Assist Fire: Elm Avenue at 8 p.m.  Caller said a very tall tree, at least 15 feet, was down and partially blocking roadway and partly on his property.  Officer responded to find a small branch in roadway.  Officer moved branch to side of the road.<<  As if we needed any more proof that folks in Mill Valley have a different sense of proportion than most other people.   Makes me want to visit, in an older sedan, with some crayons, a trumpet and a lawn chair.   As long as I don’t meet the “crazy criteria” or leave any handprints, I should be okay.

There is no better gift you can give than the gift of the Mill Valley Police Log.  Once again, “crime” is simply rampant in that tony suburb.  And, in case there was any doubt, rich AND stupid are not mutually exclusive.  Here are my favs:

>>Juvenile Disturbance: Kipling Drive at 1:10 a.m.  Caller reported several rowdy, loud kids in front of her house.  Officer responded and contacted a sober adult on scene to pick up teens but she locked her keys in the car.  CSAA was en route.  Advised to keep quiet.<<  What does it say about a town when this was the only “sober” adult at the scene?  And, more importantly, why would you be a sober adult in MV if the police are going to make you chauffeur rowdy teens around?  I mean, it’s not like it’s LA.

>>Traffic Hazard: 500 block of W. Blithedale Avenue at 4:30 p.m.  Caller reported a vehicle was stuck halfway off the road and about to fall down a small hill.  The driver was in the vehicle and didn’t want to get out because there was a small creek nearby and he might get wet.<<   Respect the MV priorities!  Wonder if being about to fall down a big hill would have changed his mind.  Guess it depends on how nice his shoes were.

>>Juvenile Disturbance: Edna Maguire School at 8 p.m.  Caller reported a group of four juveniles at the school on skateboards, being loud.  Officer responded.  No crime.<<  WOW.  See, in the past, being loud was considered a crime in MV.  So, I assumed being loud AND on skateboard would mean hard time.  It’s just a hop, skip and a jump to ghetto from here.

>>Penal Code Violation: Madrona Street and Throckmorton Avenue at 6:20 p.m.  Caller said a security guard from a bar pulled  cigarette out of her hands and burned her.  Caller sounded as if she’d been drinking and couldn’t name the bar she was at.  Report on file.  <<  Um, sounds like the “sober” adult, if you ask me.  But, and much more importantly, why does MV have a bar with a security guard — let alone a security guard who hurts people?  Bet she was at a BANK, not a BAR.  They shouldn’t make those two words look so alike if you can’t see straight.

Fort Bragg gets a coastline

>>”For more than 100 years Fort Bragg’s identity was largely based on its lumber mills, and now the former mill site will become the new face of the city,” said Fort Bragg Mayor Doug Hammerstrom. “Once it is opened to the public, the coastal parkland will be a major component of the city’s ongoing transformation from a mill town to a multi-dimensional community and a prime destination for visitors to California’s north coast.”<<

What do they mean by “multi-dimensional?”  I can only hope it’s a 3D theater.  And, for anyone looking to visit Fort Bragg, allow me to list the other attractions: Mendocino Botanical Gardens, mini-golf, some really good restaurants (check out The Wharf and Piaci’s), and, don’t worry, McDonald’s is open 24 hours on Fridays and Saturdays — with or without the “M” in the sign.

Day after earthquake, Northern California city is still cleaning up

>>Richard Allen, a UC Berkeley seismologist, said the area where the earthquake occurred was in the Mendocino Triple Junction, where three tectonic plates collide: the Pacific, North American and Juan de Fuca. It is one of the most seismically active parts of the San Andreas fault system that runs through the state.<<

Well, the good news is that it would take a lot more than seismic activity to disturb the mellow up here.

Honda ad filmed in Mendocino

>>Hanwright said the commercial will show a man returning to Mendocino with several Honda vehicles, including a scooter and a zero-emissions car. Once at home, his house will be powered by a zero-emissions generator.<<

>>several locations were considered, but Mendocino was the perfect setting<<

Hidden subtext: because most everyone here lives “off the grid!”

Police: Pot grower calls to get his plants back, instead gets arrested

Apparently, he fell for a ransom note.  >>”Thanks for the grow!” read the note, which included a phone number. “You want them back ? Call for the price … let’s talk.”<<   AND then negotiated (with the cops) to get them back for $200.   Obviously, this guys watches too much “Weeds.”

Skatepark 2010: the comedy continues

Once again Tommy Wayne Kramer doesn’t mince words.  He begins this article with “”It’s 2010 – do you know where the Ukiah Skateboard Park is? Here’s a hint: It’s in the same location it was in 2009 and in 2004 and in 1997 and in 1992 and in 1986. In other words, it’s in your imagination . . .”

So you know, building skateparks appears to the goal of practically every town in Northern California. The idea is that teenage boys will go skate in the skatepark instead of sitting around dealing and/or using dope.  Um, right.  In any event, skateparks almost never get built.  Tommy blames the “droolers” in city hall for Ukiah’s lack of a skatepark.  No surprise there.  But he also observes:  >>In 2009 zero parks were built for local kids, but two parks were built for local dogs. That’s bad enough, naturally, but let me point out that to build the second of those dog parks local officials ordered the Low Gap Park baseball diamond to be torn down.<<

I think it goes without saying that all of Northern California cares about its dogs more than its teenage boys — or anyone else for that matter.  I’d say the same thing about Southern California, but I don’t think it’s right to make any dog, no matter how much it looks like a rodent, wear that much bling.

Initially, I assumed the weekend “crime roundup” on NYE would be chock full o’ DUI and “controlled substance” arrests.  How wrong I was!   Apparently, the new blue moon led to some very creative illegalities and incidents.  Here are a few of my favs.

>>Early celebration.  Police found Ukiah resident Jesus Alvarez Jr., 19, shirtless and dancing when they responded to a report of erratic behavior at 11:15 a.m. Wednesday. Alvarez allegedly damaged a bystander’s cell phone and dented two nearby cars by kicking one and dancing on top of the other. Alvarez was cooperative with officers at first, then became agitated and physically confrontational before he again became cooperative and was arrested without incident on suspicion of vandalism.<<  He was probably just auditioning for SYTYCD.

>>1959 grenade found in attic.  Police responded to the report of a grenade found in the attic of a home in the 200 block of East Standley Street at about 5 p.m. Wednesday. They called in the Sonoma County Bomb Squad to dispose of the device, which Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office experts determined was a military grade, high intensity distraction grenade made in 1959. It is unknown how long the device was at the location or how it got there.<<  I blame an early adopter of the 1960s counter-culture.

>>Evidence of grass.  Officers stopped a car Wednesday night that had obviously been driven recently in a grassy field, after responding to a 10:45 p.m. report that the car had driven in circles on the athletic field at Ukiah High School.  Police arrested Andrew Allan Ford, 20, on suspicion of vandalism. The damage to the field included multiple tire tracks in the mud and grass ripped and dislodged from the ground.<<  Psych!  And you thought it was the Other Grass!!!

Reverse 911\’ may come to Mendocino County residents

Yikes, the implications of this are somewhat frightening. >>Reverse 911’s function is to send emergency messages county wide or if there is a need to alert the residents of a specific neighborhood to a threat it can do that to.<<

And annoying. >>According to the Sheriff’s Office web site a test of the system will be conducted on the last Monday of each month at 9 a.m. to assure that the system is working.<<

And amusing.  >>Keiser noted that computer voice speaks rapidly and is not able to pronounce Ukiah’.<<

Devoted fans of my blog (all one of them) might recall that one of my favorite topics is the tendency of local peeps to confess to additional crimes when they are arrested.  Well, the peeps are nothing if not consistent and predictable.  Here’s an early Christmas present.

>>ARREST — A 26-year-old Fort Bragg man was booked at county jail with a $10,000 bail on suspicion of possession of methamphetamine, according to a release from the Sheriff’s Office.  About 3 a.m. Friday, a vehicle was stopped in the 6800 block of Iside Way, Little River, for alleged traffic violations, the Sheriff’s Office stated.  When the vehicle was stopped, deputies reported smelling marijuana. Tucker Chester was in the passenger seat, and police said he smelled of marijuana. Chester allegedly also said that he may also have methamphetamine in his possession, the Sheriff’s Office stated.<<