PERITOPIA!

Paris Hilton\’s Top Five Excuses and Denials

>>She told cops that she had borrowed the purse with the coke in it from a friend. When asked who the baggie of narcotics belonged to, Hilton said she had never even seen it, but then thought maybe it was gum.<<

This is hilarious.  I hope the folks at Trident are taking notes.  And, clearly, this is something a peep in this county would say upon arrest.  Of course, any peeps here would have also confessed to having the coke — AND the weed — and told the cops they were on probation.  Because, as we know, peep-think goes something like this: “it might not be legal, but that doesn’t make it illegal.  And stuff.  What?”

Vancouver medals in condom distribution

This has got to be one of the funniest articles I’ve ever read.  So, the basic point is, they handed out a LOT of condoms to anybody who wanted them at the 2010 Olympics.  But then, the articles goes on to say:

>>How many of them were actually used is an impossible question to answer.<<  Why?  People tweet about their sex lives all the time — would it be so hard to ask them to text a message saying, “used it?”  I think not.  Heck, John Mayer would probably do it in a heartbeat, tell you what color, how many times, what it was like and then write a song about it.

>>Some say condoms were snagged as souvenirs, although Adams said they were not branded with Olympic rings.<<   Why not?  The rings could go on or AROUND the condom!  Don’t tell me everybody didn’t think the exact same thing reading this. Well, except the moron in charge of Olympic branding.

>>He said he did hear stories of athletes from countries with inferior condoms stuffing their suitcases with the coveted rubbers.<<  Why are these “coveted” condoms?  They look just like regular condoms.  Maybe they have some extra-super-duper strong material because they are being given out to Olympic athletes?  If so, what kind of condoms has everybody else been using?  And, really, don’t you want your most “inferior” condoms to go to your most superior athletes?  Don’t tell me China isn’t all over this already.

Sci Fi Channel morphs into Syfy

How bummed are they that this happened the same day as the Michael Jackson memorial?

Redmond O\’Neal Busted for Drugs at a Jail

>>Ryan O’Neal, is back behind bars today after police found him carrying narcotics at a detention center in Castaic, Calif.<<

So, obviously, he went to the same crime school as the guy who made a cast out of cocaine to get through security and then put more cocaine in his carry-on luggage.   Don’t move here, Ryan, please.

Lindsay Lohan on the Outside Looking In

Is it me or does she look like she’s 40?   But I have a good idea for her comeback.  She can do a remake “Cruel Intentions” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0139134/) — 1999 with Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Philippe.  MUCH better role for Lohan than Gellar — who shouldn’t even be in movies in the first place.   And maybe that Twilight guy can play Philippe’s part.   Philippe shouldn’t be in movies either — and I can’t fathom why Reese Witherspoon ever married him. But I digress.  Hope Lohan stops dying her hair and looks into this idea.

Ok, clearly “Monsters vs. Aliens” was Dreamworks’ showcase for its “new” 3D technology — as the plot was dull and entirely humorless.  But here’s my gripe.  There was NOTHING “comin’ at ya’” in this film!!!  As the makers of the memorable “Comin’ at Ya’” movie were well aware (when they tried to re-re-re-introduce 3D to theatre-goers in the early ’80s), the whole point of 3D is for the audience to feel like they are about to be branded with an iron or hit with a baseball.  Dreamworks’ 3D technology does not have this “special” effect – or, if it does, does not bother to use it.  But, frankly, unless I feel like an alien is about to poke my eye out, I’m just bored.  And I don’t care if the glasses are plastic instead of paper (where are the environmentalists on this development btw?).

Gwyneth Paltrow Tells Joaquin Phoenix to Get Real

>>”What advice would I give to Joaquin? Hmmm…maybe to go live in the projects for a few years to get some authenticity, maybe.”<<

I can only hope she follows her own advice AND it becomes a reality TV show.  The Ghetto meets the Goop!

Sci Fi channel becoming Syfy. Huh?

Needless to say, I think this is an outrage — not to mention confusing.  But it’s not nearly as offensive as the number of times the channel insists on running Stephen King’s “Storm of the Century.”  I am willing to negotiate.

Aniston & Mayer Pal: \”No Big Juicy Fight\”

>>So says a friend of the couple who gave me a shout after I broke the news about their latest split to assure me that all is good between the two—even if they’re no longer dating.<<

Poof.

FORMER ESCORT ASHLEY DUPRE: RUSSELL SIMMONS IS NEW MENTOR

>>”In great part, discovering my identity came through the quiet reflection I enjoyed while practicing yoga, and the inner strength I’ve developed attracts powerful things,” Dupre writes. She also says that never in her “wildest dreams” would she have imagined getting to know Russell Simmons while taking a yoga class in New York City.<<

Obviously, she has started taking drugs again.