PERITOPIA!

>>REPORT — A woman wearing a surgical glove on one hand and dressed in a white dress shirt was spotted in the 800 block of South Orchard Avenue looking into cars and knocking on doors about 12:23 p.m. Wednesday. She was last reported driving west on Marlene Street. Police were unable to locate the woman,

REPORT — A woman dressed in a plaid shirt and another woman in a turquoise shirt were reported to be throwing bottles in the air and breaking them about 1:45 p.m. Wednesday. Police were not able to locate the women, who were last seen in the area of East Gobbi Street and Leslie Street near the railroad tracks.<<

I am glad to see the police blotter reporter expand his/her horizons and add the crucial detail always lacking, “what kind of shirt was the perp wearing?”   It also prevents someone from making the natural assumption that the woman in the first report had been performing surgery.  Everyone knows you can’t do that in a white dress shirt.   I hope this trend continues and expands.  Bet the head dress in these parts provides a wealth of clues — into what, I have no idea.

We may all live in a new \’Yellow Submarine\’; Disney in talks for remake of animated Beatles classic

I foresee a line of peeps a mile long the night this one comes out.  It’ll be like “Star Wars” in Silicon Valley.

I realize I have been spending far too much time on the police blotter (total eye candy) and ignoring all the other important topics to blog on…such as “legalization of marijuana.”  Here we go…

First off, let me say, I have no opinion on the topic.  Really.  I just don’t care.  But, what I do have is “thoughts on” the topic.  They are as follows:

Let’s start with the guy who I hired to fix my bathroom tiles — along with a bunch of other stuff.  He went MIA on me three weeks into the job, even before getting paid.  Then there was the guy who showed up at 3:30 p.m. to down a tree — approximately 6.5 hrs late — he left about an hour later, after having a celebratory beer.  Then, of course, there are folks who just hang around outside every single supermarket in the ‘hood, carrying signs that say, “traveling, need $” or “my dog is in jail.”  As far as I can tell, they do not have jobs — but they have babies!!!

All’s I’m saying is, if They are really considering legalizing marijuana, They ought to spend some time ’round here.  And, just to make it challenging, They should try to find someone to fix their refrigerator…in this century…

Sometimes you just have to wait.  

>>REPORT — A noisy power washer was reported about 2:37 a.m. Thursday in the 600 block of South State Street. Police determined the machine was being operated properly, and that the level of noise it was generating was not a problem.<<  Um, obviously this is not Ross Valley, which would treat operating a power washer at 2:37 a.m. a criminal offense.

>>REPORT — A woman was reported to be giving birth in a Wal-Mart restroom at 3:48 p.m. Thursday. A Wal-Mart employee said that the woman’s husband took her to the hospital.<<  Bet these folks are going to be on “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” — which, if you didn’t already know, is a fantastic reality TV show.   And, in case you were wondering how it is possible to not know you are pregnant (which I do each time I watch), the answer can be summarized in two words: FAT and DRUNK.  Go America!

Sometimes I forget how fascinating the Court Report here can be.  Here are some little pearls:

>>Haney, in custody, pleaded no contest to felony 2nd-degree burglary of the Mendocino Chocolate Company in Fort Bragg. He was promised no state prison at the outset but Judge Lehan denied him OR because of the public danger it might create. Following Probation’s presentencing report and recommendations, he will be sentenced on Aug. 31.<<  Wow.   Robbing a CHOCOLATE company and you’re considered a public danger.  That must have been one serious candy craving.

>>- Rexrode was to admit or deny VOP for having ammo in his possession. He cannot possess ammo or firearms for the rest of his life.<<  I just really like the entries where the Judge is so unequivocal.   And I can almost hear the transcript for the next hearing — “um, well, I didn’t know for the rest of my life meant like forever.”

>>- Alexander pleaded guilty to public intoxication. He was placed on a 12-month probation, sentenced to one day in MCJ (one day CTS) and told to stay away from his victims.<<  Funny, I didn’t think people guilty of “public intoxication” had “victims.”  More like an audience.

>>- Bloyd admitted evading an officer. He was placed on a 12-month probation and fined $160.<<  I don’t know Mr. Bloyd, but I do know that ’round here a lot of peeps just walk around with no apparent purpose.  Once in a while, that probably looks like “evading.”  But “evading” sounds so uncharacteristically purposeful.

I was lucky enough to pick up a copy of the Ross Valley Reporter the other day — and, much to my delight, confirmed that “crime” in Ross Valley is teeming.  Before commenting on some of the more shocking reportable offenses, however, I must commend the Ross Valley police department for its extended mission statement -=- to serve, protect AND counsel.  They are like uniformed life coaches!

>>Citizen Assist: A woman requested an officer to mediate between her and her reoommate on Ross Avenue at 11:03 pm.  He had been drinking and was getting verbally abusive.  Officers provided counseling and both parties agreed to separate for the night.<<  I wonder what would have happened if he was getting physically abusive.  Do they call in the National Guard?

>>Insanity Case: A resident at the Lanai apartments said he was considering cutting his wrists at 6:32 am.<<  The additional detail of the actual TIME is a nice literary touch.

>>Advice: A man called and  wanted advice.  His son ran away from a group home in Sebastopol and was at his mother’s residence in Fairfax.<<  Is it running away if you go to your mother’s house?

>>Suspicious Circumstances: A man said his ex went into his care and left a note and he would like advice.<<  Um, lock your car doors.

Now onto actual, real life illegal activities:

>>Threats: A resident reported receiving threatening messages.<<  What kind of messages???  Emails?  Voicemails?  Messages from space??? 

>>Suspicious Circumstances: A woman heard someone jump onto her second-floor balcony on Indian Rock Road at 5:21 am.  Officers couldn’t find anything.<<  That’s because the raccoon had already left.

>>Shots Fired: Shots were reported heard in the area of Sir Francis Drake Boulevard at 5:25 pm.  An officer was in the area and believed the noise was a vehicle backfiring.<<  I hate to think how many calls they get on garbage collection day.

>>Noise: There were people playing tennis loudly on Sir Francis Drake at 11:18 pm.  Officers contacted two people playing tennis and they left the area.<<  I guess, if you want to live in Ross Valley, you better do it really quietly — and preferably only during the day.  See also >>There was a loud group of juveniles on Redwood Road at 9:38 pm.  Officers contacted the group just as the party was ending.<<  and >>There was a loud group on campus on Butterfield Road at 9:59 pm.  Officers contacted six subjects and abated them from the area.<< and >>There was a loud reception with people shouting and laughing on Bolinas Avenue at 11:03 pm.<<  Laughing?  How dare they.

>>Suspicious Person: A resident reported that someone drove past Los Angeles Boulevard at 7:38 pm and then turned around and came back and commented on how beautiful her daughter is.<<  He probably spent the night in Ross Valley jail (which probably has a nice brunch buffet).

>>Hazard: Two men were throwing a football across the street in downtown at 8:21 pm.  They nearly hit a car.<<  Guess we have to add “having bad aim” to the growing list of crimes in Ross Valley — the Dodge City of Marin County!

>>Public Intoxication: While on foot patrol at 1:55 pm, an officer contacted a man at Peri Park who was intoxicated to the extend he could not care for his own safety or that of others.<<  Thrilled there is a Peri Park — which seems extremely safe.