PERITOPIA!

There is no better gift you can give than the gift of the Mill Valley Police Log.  Once again, “crime” is simply rampant in that tony suburb.  And, in case there was any doubt, rich AND stupid are not mutually exclusive.  Here are my favs:

>>Juvenile Disturbance: Kipling Drive at 1:10 a.m.  Caller reported several rowdy, loud kids in front of her house.  Officer responded and contacted a sober adult on scene to pick up teens but she locked her keys in the car.  CSAA was en route.  Advised to keep quiet.<<  What does it say about a town when this was the only “sober” adult at the scene?  And, more importantly, why would you be a sober adult in MV if the police are going to make you chauffeur rowdy teens around?  I mean, it’s not like it’s LA.

>>Traffic Hazard: 500 block of W. Blithedale Avenue at 4:30 p.m.  Caller reported a vehicle was stuck halfway off the road and about to fall down a small hill.  The driver was in the vehicle and didn’t want to get out because there was a small creek nearby and he might get wet.<<   Respect the MV priorities!  Wonder if being about to fall down a big hill would have changed his mind.  Guess it depends on how nice his shoes were.

>>Juvenile Disturbance: Edna Maguire School at 8 p.m.  Caller reported a group of four juveniles at the school on skateboards, being loud.  Officer responded.  No crime.<<  WOW.  See, in the past, being loud was considered a crime in MV.  So, I assumed being loud AND on skateboard would mean hard time.  It’s just a hop, skip and a jump to ghetto from here.

>>Penal Code Violation: Madrona Street and Throckmorton Avenue at 6:20 p.m.  Caller said a security guard from a bar pulled  cigarette out of her hands and burned her.  Caller sounded as if she’d been drinking and couldn’t name the bar she was at.  Report on file.  <<  Um, sounds like the “sober” adult, if you ask me.  But, and much more importantly, why does MV have a bar with a security guard — let alone a security guard who hurts people?  Bet she was at a BANK, not a BAR.  They shouldn’t make those two words look so alike if you can’t see straight.

Fort Bragg gets a coastline

>>”For more than 100 years Fort Bragg’s identity was largely based on its lumber mills, and now the former mill site will become the new face of the city,” said Fort Bragg Mayor Doug Hammerstrom. “Once it is opened to the public, the coastal parkland will be a major component of the city’s ongoing transformation from a mill town to a multi-dimensional community and a prime destination for visitors to California’s north coast.”<<

What do they mean by “multi-dimensional?”  I can only hope it’s a 3D theater.  And, for anyone looking to visit Fort Bragg, allow me to list the other attractions: Mendocino Botanical Gardens, mini-golf, some really good restaurants (check out The Wharf and Piaci’s), and, don’t worry, McDonald’s is open 24 hours on Fridays and Saturdays — with or without the “M” in the sign.

Day after earthquake, Northern California city is still cleaning up

>>Richard Allen, a UC Berkeley seismologist, said the area where the earthquake occurred was in the Mendocino Triple Junction, where three tectonic plates collide: the Pacific, North American and Juan de Fuca. It is one of the most seismically active parts of the San Andreas fault system that runs through the state.<<

Well, the good news is that it would take a lot more than seismic activity to disturb the mellow up here.

Honda ad filmed in Mendocino

>>Hanwright said the commercial will show a man returning to Mendocino with several Honda vehicles, including a scooter and a zero-emissions car. Once at home, his house will be powered by a zero-emissions generator.<<

>>several locations were considered, but Mendocino was the perfect setting<<

Hidden subtext: because most everyone here lives “off the grid!”

Police: Pot grower calls to get his plants back, instead gets arrested

Apparently, he fell for a ransom note.  >>”Thanks for the grow!” read the note, which included a phone number. “You want them back ? Call for the price … let’s talk.”<<   AND then negotiated (with the cops) to get them back for $200.   Obviously, this guys watches too much “Weeds.”

Skatepark 2010: the comedy continues

Once again Tommy Wayne Kramer doesn’t mince words.  He begins this article with “”It’s 2010 – do you know where the Ukiah Skateboard Park is? Here’s a hint: It’s in the same location it was in 2009 and in 2004 and in 1997 and in 1992 and in 1986. In other words, it’s in your imagination . . .”

So you know, building skateparks appears to the goal of practically every town in Northern California. The idea is that teenage boys will go skate in the skatepark instead of sitting around dealing and/or using dope.  Um, right.  In any event, skateparks almost never get built.  Tommy blames the “droolers” in city hall for Ukiah’s lack of a skatepark.  No surprise there.  But he also observes:  >>In 2009 zero parks were built for local kids, but two parks were built for local dogs. That’s bad enough, naturally, but let me point out that to build the second of those dog parks local officials ordered the Low Gap Park baseball diamond to be torn down.<<

I think it goes without saying that all of Northern California cares about its dogs more than its teenage boys — or anyone else for that matter.  I’d say the same thing about Southern California, but I don’t think it’s right to make any dog, no matter how much it looks like a rodent, wear that much bling.

Initially, I assumed the weekend “crime roundup” on NYE would be chock full o’ DUI and “controlled substance” arrests.  How wrong I was!   Apparently, the new blue moon led to some very creative illegalities and incidents.  Here are a few of my favs.

>>Early celebration.  Police found Ukiah resident Jesus Alvarez Jr., 19, shirtless and dancing when they responded to a report of erratic behavior at 11:15 a.m. Wednesday. Alvarez allegedly damaged a bystander’s cell phone and dented two nearby cars by kicking one and dancing on top of the other. Alvarez was cooperative with officers at first, then became agitated and physically confrontational before he again became cooperative and was arrested without incident on suspicion of vandalism.<<  He was probably just auditioning for SYTYCD.

>>1959 grenade found in attic.  Police responded to the report of a grenade found in the attic of a home in the 200 block of East Standley Street at about 5 p.m. Wednesday. They called in the Sonoma County Bomb Squad to dispose of the device, which Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office experts determined was a military grade, high intensity distraction grenade made in 1959. It is unknown how long the device was at the location or how it got there.<<  I blame an early adopter of the 1960s counter-culture.

>>Evidence of grass.  Officers stopped a car Wednesday night that had obviously been driven recently in a grassy field, after responding to a 10:45 p.m. report that the car had driven in circles on the athletic field at Ukiah High School.  Police arrested Andrew Allan Ford, 20, on suspicion of vandalism. The damage to the field included multiple tire tracks in the mud and grass ripped and dislodged from the ground.<<  Psych!  And you thought it was the Other Grass!!!