Mendocino, Fort Bragg rec center properties will get spruced up
Apparently, we are going to install a petanque — a French lawn game “in which metal balls are thrown as close as possible to a wooden target ball.” Seems like it’s going to go near the soon-to-be-built skate park. Is it just me, or are we getting closer to being Weed Disneyland every day?
Arrested woman kicks sheriff patrol car window, causes $350 worth of damage
>>The victim said he and his girlfriend, Shamirror Marie Rohrbach, 22, were arguing when Rohrbach allegedly punched him in the face several times and caused the bleeding cut, according to the MCSO. Rohhrbach was arrested and put in the back of a patrol car. Moments later she kicked the rear, driver’s side window, knocking the window frame out of its track, according to the MCSO. “She bent the frame, but she didn’t break out the window,” Smallcomb said.<<
I spy a baby who hated mirrors.
Now Mendocino is even using Mill Valley terminology to label its reportable offenses! Thankfully, we have a totally different idea of what makes something “suspicious.”
>>SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES — A caller in the 1200 block of Airport Park Boulevard reported Friday at 12:28 p.m. that a man was running behind a tractor supply store and threatening to kill himself, stating he had a knife. Officers took a report.<< Obviously, what made this suspicious was the man’s location: a tractor supply store. Hardly the got-to place for sympathy/attention. And knives — they”re like pliers to those folks.
>>SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES — A caller in the 700 block of South State Street reported Friday at 2:47 p.m. that she wanted to commit suicide and told dispatch she would commit herself to a mental health facility. She was given a courtesy transport to county mental health.<< What made this suspicious is that she self-reported. They almost never self-report in Mill Vally. But, I like how getting to the mental health facility is easier than calling a cab. Who wants to know what they are serving for dinner? Unless it’s family dining, then never mind.
>>DISTRESSED PUPPIES — A caller in the 700 block of Village Circle reported Friday at 4:15 p.m. hearing about six puppies howling and yelling in distress at a house on Waugh Lane.<< Now, we have our fair share of dog whisperers but how did this caller know they were puppies? And six of them? And what constitutes “distress” to a puppy that made this reportable? Maybe someone took away a chew toy. We’d know if this happened in Mill Valley because two officers would have been dispatched to the scene immediately — unless, of course, someone was mowing a lawn too loudly.
>>PACKAGE OF DRUGS — Caller from UPS office at 259 Cherry St. reports at 4:55 p.m. Thursday receiving a package of illegal substances picked up from Staples.<< Once again, the peeps display an astonishing disregard for the law — which, as readers are aware, I believe stems from an astonishing ignorance of what exactly is illegal. So, let’s recap, you can possess a small amount of pot (unless you have a prescription for more). You cannot grow pot (unless you have a permit). You can never, ever, ever MAIL pot. That includes using UPS and FedEx, even though they are not government agencies. And, please, don’t tell people what’s inside the package if you do. I just know that’s what happened here because, if there is one thing the peeps are good at besides violating the law, it’s confessing.
So, I went to Nightingale-Bamford — an all girls school on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Our graduation took place in a church. We wore white dresses and white gloves. Something tells me Somerset’s high school graduation in Mendocino is going to be a bit different.
Mendocino High School graduation
>>Listening to the speakers, it is good to know that they are aware and appreciative of the unique high school experience Mendocino provides. “Where else would you find the boys’ soccer team diligently drowning gophers before a big game, or shorties, like me, on the basketball team,” Co-Valedictorian Savannah Green observed in her speech.
Green not only spoke about Mendocino’s unique learning experience, she sang a song she helped her sister Caitlin write for last year’s graduation ceremony. To the tune of the Beatles’ “Can’t Buy Me Love,” accompanied by Wyatt Dooley on the guitar, she sang about the laid back people of the village who don’t care much for things like stress or money, but enjoy a happy existence where they can “go to Fort Bragg, where everyone likes to shop, or go to Comptche, where everyone grows their crop.”<<
Hah, take this Mill Valley — you might have a lot of reportable “crimes” but you don’t hold a candle to our creativity. This is what happens when everyone is nice AND stoned.
>>WOMAN YELLING AT CARS — Caller reports a suspicious female wearing a pink tank top yelling at cars Monday at the corner of South Orchard Street and East Gobbi Street at 5:28 p.m.<< Hope readers realize it’s the pink tank top that made her suspicious, not the yelling at cars. Cars deserve to be yelled at. Look how much they’re destroying our planet.
>>MAN TRIED TO RUN WOMAN OVER — Woman in the 100 block of Brush Street reports Monday at 7:25 p.m. that her husband tried to run her over. Officer responded, no arrest made.<< See, in Mill Valley, not only would an arrest have been made, but also the officer would have given advice. Guess our law enforcement motto here is “protect, serve, and stuff, what?”
>>LICENSE PLATE PAINTED BLACK — Man in the 400 block of Cypress Avenue reports Tuesday at 7:34 a.m. that his license plate was painted black.<< You just know it was him. And, I’m guessing the thought process went something like this: “dude, they can’t follow us if we make the numbers really hard to see.”
>>SAFE STOLEN — Resident in the 1300 block of Laurel Avenue reports at 12:07 p.m. Tuesday that a safe was stolen.<< Right. Again, pretty easy to guess the thought process on this one, “dude, we can’t open this. Let’s just take the whole thing.”
>>FLUFFY, VICIOUS DOG — A person called police Monday at 10:07 a.m. to report that a “small, fluffy, vicious dog” had attacked another dog in the 50 block of Lorraine Street.<<
Finally, someone understands that being small, fluffy, and vicious is a reportable offense. For dogs. Not for people. ’Cause otherwise I’d be in trouble.
>>FIGHT — Several reports of a fight in progress between two men in the 200 block of North State Street around 12:30 a.m. Thursday. Parties located and transported to the hospital. Also on Thursday, a business owner in the 250 Block of North State Street reported a door broken in.<<
I guess this is what happens when there’s nothing good on TV. Needless to say, if this had happened in Mill Valley, they would have brought in the National Guard. Actually, I spent last weekend in Mill Valley and witnessed a motorcycle cop herd cars to clear an intersection. He was a very grumpy cop — presumably because there was actually something to do that day. There should be some kind of police station exchange program. You know, Mill Valley police spend a week in Mott Haven. Now, THAT would be good TV!
Although there is a severe budget deficit in this country/state/county, rest assured that money is still being raised for Californian’s most favored cause (next to their dogs): building skate parks. We are getting one in Fort Bragg AND in Ukiah! I can only hope skate boarding becomes an Olympic sport. And that we legalize pot so non-skate rats can be honest about why they are going to the skate park.